Fuck 2007

Now that it's the year 2007, I couldn't help to wonder what is in stored for me, whether it's good or bad, whether I'll change for the better or worse. These days I'm experiencing some "holiday blues". I don't know how to call it but it's the same old thing that's been plagueing my mind. The forlornness... deep in my heart, I still crave for a boyfriend to share my joys and sorrow. Is it normal for me to keep desiring something I cannot get? Yeah, I condemn myself. I feel that I can't get a boyfriend in a long long time, possibly never! But why is it that I still long for that? This mild depression has been continued for too long.

"I'm alone and I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life" "I'm ugly and nonone wants me" I wish I'd have a shorter life" " I wish I can die" " LET ME DIE!"Now that I'm having holidays it gets more serious as I had no studies to take those deprecating thoughts out of my mind. And so I turned to gaming, playing Final FantasyXII night and day, until I can actually finish it within 2 weeks right before the dawn of the new year. It's not a meaningful thing to do, but it helped a bit. It's escapism. I hope my coming exams will effectively help me take the bucket loads of depression off my mind.

Until then, I'm blogging here to release some steam, secretly, as I felt somewhat embarassed to admit this to those who knows me personally. I won't commit suicide. I just won't. But I do want my life to end sooner.